Matthew McConaughey Blockbuster Fails- Fool’s Gold

Alright, Alright get ready for another Matthew McConaughey Blockbuster Fails as we shine today’s spotlight on Fool’s Gold. Its National Treasure meets Independence Day, minus the aliens and the world possibly ending, but following the great love story.

For some reason at my last job this movie was always on in the break room. Was it a hint for us to not take a break and go back to work? I’d rather watch paint dry then ever watch this movie again.

Here’s the official storyline according to IMDB.com:

“Benjamin Finnegan is a deep-sea treasure hunter certain he’s onto the find of the century in waters near an island close to Key West owned by a murderous rap star to whom Ben is in debt. Ben’s flat broke and recently divorced from Tess, his long-time research and diving partner whom he still loves. She’s nearby, working as a steward aboard the yacht of Nigel Honeycutt, a multimillionaire. The rapper has hired a rival treasurer hunter. Can Ben convince Nigel to bankroll his search, convince Tess to work with him, keep the rapper and his thugs at bay, and find a Spanish treasure hidden for centuries and rich beyond imagination?”

Here’s my story line for you, the actual play by plays:

So let me paint you a pretty picture, Matthew McConaughey is a treasure hunter. So far it seems like a typical McConaughey movie, he’ll most likely have his shirt off the entire film. Kate Hudson plays his divorced wife Tess, who happens to be working on this yacht for a rich family The Honeycutts. This family has a rich older man and a much younger girl named Gemma on the boat. Throughout the movie the relationship between the old man and Gemma isn’t very clear. At some points I thought they were dating, others I thought they were father and daughter; it was just a very awkward relationship. The sad part is the rich guy is played by Donald Sutherland, who is an amazing actor but some how got sucked into this gem.

So McConaughey owes money to a rapper named BiggBunny and has to pay back his debt. In his mind it seems the solution is clear, team up with his ex wife on this rich guy’s yacht and fish out some treasure. Problem solved right? Wrong. BiggBunny hires another treasure hunter and this movie now turns into the Amazing Race.

McConaughey turns into Nickolas Cage finding clues to the treasure high and low. But oh no look out, Tess got kidnapped by BiggBunny. He forces Tess to aid him in the search for the treasure. Tess finds the treasure in a cave under water. Eventually rescue comes from McConaughey and the Honeycutts. McConaughey tries to dive underwater secretly and take the treasure off of BiggBunny’s hands. McConaughey saves Tess only to have BiggBunny kidnap her from him again. The plot just thickens.

Tess is kidnapped and this time is completely unconscious. Gemma comes to the rescue this time and takes McConaughey to BiggBunny’s plane on her jet ski. Yup that’s right, a jet ski. Next McConaughey turns from treasure hunter to ninja as he leaps on the plane’s pontoon as the plane takes off. As BiggBunny attempts to shoot Finn, Tess’s eyes start rolling and she wakes up and kicks BiggBunny out of the plane and sends him into the ocean just in the neck of time. Problem solved, end of the movie right? WRONG. What about the treasure? What about the plane flying in the air? Well next McConaughey some how turns into a pilot from playing video games where he had to land planes (because it’s almost the same thing). Bam he lands the plane, by crashing it, its movie magic.

McConaughey and Tess are reunited and save the treasure together. At the end Tess is shown pregnant, because that’s what the world needs more of,  Matthew McConaughey treasure hunting babies.

So what lessons can you take from this movie? If you’re going through a divorce the glue that will bring you back together is getting kidnapped and hunting treasure. McConaughey went to the end of the world to save Tess, and still had time to save the treasure. It was a win-win.

Well at least he’s good in… We Are Marshall. If you’re thinking im stretching the truth on how this movie plays out, watch the trailer below. I’m not bluffing, go ahead and watch it.

(Photo by Fools Gold/Facebook)