PETA Wants You To ‘Feed Two Birds With One Scone’

Just when you think you've heard it all, PETA has gone off the deep in - accusing us all of 'speciesism.'

If you're having a hard time following, here's the short version: according to PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) - when you say things like "I'm bringing home the bacon" you're...offending animals? Offending people who love animals? Just offending the people at PETA?

They're not even kidding - in fact, PETA went so far as to provide you with some handy dandy alternatives to common animal-based idioms. You can't "beat a dead horse" - you should "feed a fed horse." (That doesn't even make sense.) "Feed two birds with one scone." (Didn't they JUST get finished telling us we aren't supposed to feed birds bread?) Instead of "Bring home the bacon," you should "Bring home the bagels." (You got me there, I really like bagels.)

I don't mean to suggest that the people at PETA are drunk as a skunk - oh no wait, drunk as a...darn...how do I not offend anyone? I love animals - but never once have any of my pets expressed concern over idioms - over not getting a piece of my bacon - but never over whether I brought it home.

GET A GRIP, PETA.

Most sane humans agree that animals should not be treated cruelly. If you're a vegan or a vegetarian, that's great. But this is absolutely ridiculous - words matter, but birds don't talk, and a horse never read Shakespeare.

Stop being offended by everything. I'm offended by your offense. It's offensive.