Celebrity Dogs That Are Definitely Having a Better Christmas Than You
Don’t get us wrong, Christmas is definitely NOT about getting stuff from people. That is not what we’re saying at all. At the same time, something makes us think that these dogs are probably having a *way* better Christmas than us. Possibly because “eating beans from a can” and “watching ‘Batman Returns’ alone on the couch” probably aren’t part of their agenda. These pups are faaaaaaaaa-aaaancy.
Marilyn Monroe, Peter Pan, Mugsy
Paris Hilton’s dogs live in their own private mansion in her backyard. Like, a 300-square-foot house with a chandelier. That’s bigger than a Manhattan studio apartment and it’s for everyday use. So just imagine what they get on Christmas. The only way it could be bad is if she makes them listen to her music.
Mickey Rourke rescued this dog while he was filming in Romania. And he loves his dogs. Enough to mention them in awards show acceptance speeches. Plus, Foxy gets to spend Christmas hanging out with Mickey Rourke, which is probably the coolest yet simultaneously terrifying thing one could do on a major religious holiday.
We’ve got a hunch Happy’s going to get a little extra love this Christmas. Miley Cyrus’ dog Lila just passed away, so there’s more puppy love to go around for her remaining pets. Or maybe she’ll just be really sad and shut herself in her room and nobody will get anything this year. But probably the first thing.
D’awww — look at Britney Spears’ dog Hannah. The two frequently dress in matching outfits, and Britney clearly spoils her. Plus, in the event of another Britney Breakdown, it seems Hannah can slowly back out of the room.
Jill E. Beans
Just trying to imagine what Mariah Carey’s dog Jill E. Beans is getting for Christmas this year makes us want to cry a little bit. A lot. She hand-feeds her strawberries, for God’s sake. And just to be clear we mean that Mariah feeds the dog. We wouldn’t be surprised if her present was an excursion to a private island, where Jill E. Beans can hunt the most dangerous game. Not that we’d want that, but it would be nice to travel.
The Royal Corgis
Every year for Christmas the Queen makes stockings full of treats and toys for her corgis. We can only imagine what a queen gives away for Christmas. Actually, we can’t because we’re the kind of person who’s having beans out of a can for dinner. If you don’t heat them up, you won’t burn the inside of your mouth!
Ice-T and Coco’s dog Spartacus is, according to his Twitter, the “coolest dog with a Twitter page.” Last year for Christmas, Spartacus couldn’t go to Hawaii because he didn’t have all his shots. But there’s nothing stopping him from going this year, meaning he could spend Christmas in Hawaii, staring at Coco in a bikini, which in retrospect is probably even more terrifying than hanging out with Mickey Rourke.
Obviously Boo is having a better Christmas than you. Look at him. Everything he does is magic. Even if he only gets a shirt, it will be the best shirt ever. We bow to you, Boo.