It’s Alive! Extinct Animals and the Scientific Midlife Crisis

So, we brought back the dire wolf.

Well, sort of. Scientists at Colossal Biosciences have created three genetically engineered wolves with white fur, thick jaws, and a general Game-of-Thrones-vibe from DNA from creatures that haven’t existed in 10,000+ years. They're calling it a breakthrough. Now, I'm not saying it’s a bad idea… but Jurassic Park did try to warn us.

Naturally thinking: what other extinct animals could we bring back? Just for fun of course. (And by “fun,” I mean “controversial and possibly the start of a real-life Jurassic Park situation.”)

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? A Totally Reasonable Guide to Bringing Extinct Animals Back to Life

1. Woolly Mammoth

• Status: In progress
• Why it went extinct: Climate change, overhunting, bad luck in the Ice Age
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: Because we already have enough trouble with elephants roaming city streets. Now imagine one with a winter coat and no knowledge of the modern world. If we’re still overwatering succulents and forgetting to feed the goldfish, are we really ready for a herd of woolly mammoths? Because we can barely handle rush hour traffic, now imagine adding 6-ton snow tanks with tusks the size of snowblowers. Cute in theory. Chaos in Central New York.

2. The Dodo

• Status: Also in the works
• Why it went extinct: Island living, flightless, no fear of humans, became lunch
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: We already have enough flightless birds silently judging us. Do we really need one more awkward, oversized pigeon waddling around like it owns the place? Just because something went extinct in the 1600s doesn't mean we need to reinvent it as a quirky tourist attraction.

3. The Tasmanian Tiger

• Status: Science says “maybe”
• Why it went extinct: Habitat loss, hunting, being a misunderstood marsupial
• Why bringing it back sounds iffy: It looks like a coyote, a kangaroo, and a striped sock had a baby. Also, Australia already has too many things that can kill you. Let’s not give it another chance.

4. Literally Any Dinosaur

• Status: Not possible yet, thank you very much
• Why it went extinct: Giant asteroid + bad timing
• Why people still want to bring one back: Because Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale, not a startup pitch. Imagine trying to parallel park downtown while dodging a slow-moving stegosaurus. Hard pass. And good luck explaining to your HOA why there’s a saber-toothed tiger sunbathing on your lawn.

5. Megalodon

• Status: Thankfully extinct (for now)
• Why it went extinct: Climate change, food shortages, too big for its own good
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: The ocean is scary enough. We don’t need a 60-foot shark casually circling cruise ships like it’s waiting for the lunch buffet to open.

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6. Saber-Toothed Tiger

• Status: Talked about, but not in progress
• Why it went extinct: Prey scarcity, changing climate, prehistoric hangry behavior
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: Housecats already act like they run the place. Now give one fangs the size of steak knives and see who the pet really is. (Spoiler: it’s you.)

7. St. Helena Giant Tortoise

• Status: Not yet, but someone’s probably thinking about it
• Why it went extinct: Habitat destruction, introduced predators, slow-moving lifestyle
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: It lived for over 500 years. That’s a commitment.

8. Great Auk

• Status: Not actively in development (yet)
• Why it went extinct: Overhunting, egg collection, and being really bad at escaping
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: Penguins already nailed the cute bird-in-a-tuxedo look. The Great Auk just feels like a tall, overdressed third wheel.

9. Sivatherium (prehistoric giraffe with antlers)

• Status: Just a fossil for now
• Why it went extinct: Natural selection, competition and extinction being trendy back then
• Why we shouldn't bring it back: Giraffes are already tall enough to intimidate us. Now give one moose antlers and a side of attitude? No thanks — we’re good with llamas.

Why Are We Bringing Back Extinct Animals?

Colossal says it’s all in the name of conservation, genetic diversity, and scientific innovation. And to be fair, cloning red wolves to help save endangered species could be an objectively good thing.

But when your plan also includes engineering mammoths, dodos, and Ice Age carnivores, it’s hard not to wonder if someone over there has a secret dream of starting a prehistoric theme park.

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Also worth noting: the dire wolves may look fierce, but according to scientists, they’ll never quite learn how to be actual dire wolves. No hunting techniques. No wild instincts. No dramatic wolf howls into the full moon while the camera pans out in slow motion. Just big, fluffy canines with ancient DNA and very confused instincts.

Until then, let’s just say this: if your dog starts growing saber teeth and sniffing out fossilized elk, maybe call a scientist. Or at least your vet.