Feeling Brave? Introducing ‘Pepper X’, the New Spiciest Pepper in the World

Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Tell me if you've ever been here: you ever bite into a boring old Carolina Reaper and thought to yourself, "Meh... not impressed."

Yeah, me neither. But apparently somebody did.

Because now there's a brand new record holder for the world's spiciest pepper: Introducing "Pepper X," which, on average, rates around 2.7 million on the Scoville Heat Unit scale. By comparison, the previous record holder, the Carolina Reaper, clocks in around 1.64 million on the Scoville Heat Unit scale. So great news for all you sadomasochists -- Pepper X is considerably hotter.

via GIPHY

Now, this may come as a shock to you -- but Pepper X does not occur naturally in the wild. No, sir -- to achieve this level of agony, this pepper has been genetically engineered by the same evil mastermind that brought you the Carolina Reaper: Ed Currie, founder of Puckerbutt Pepper Company out of South Carolina. He apparently hates people very much.

Because this is exactly what the world needs right now. You mean to tell me there was a big demand for this? The Carolina Reaper, already hot enough to reduce the strongest men to sniffling babies, was simply not hot enough. We always want bigger, badder, hotter, more painful. Unlike some of those weak chili peppers like jalapenos and habaneros, which actually offer -- y'know, flavor -- this pepper tastes like wrapping your lips around a flamethrower.

Even if you survive the pepper's ingestion, don't even talk to me about the aftermath. Molten lava enema, anyone?