When your own wife tells cops that you're an asshole when you're drunk, it may be time to get some help. Thus is the case with 'Dazed and Confused' actor Jason London, who was taken, kicking and screaming, out of a bar, after he'd gotten the crap beaten out of him.

No, we're speaking literally.

TMZ reports that London, 40, accidentally sneezed on a bouncer inside the Martini Ranch bar in Scottsdale, Ariz. The bouncer demanded an apology, and instead, London popped him in the face.

As a result, the bouncer and his cohorts escorted London out and kicked the snot out of him.

Cops responded to a call about a dude bleeding in the street. That dude was London.

When the police and paramedics arrived, London got belligerent and started attacking them and called one of the responders a "f---ing hillbilly." One of the cops had to deliver a blow to London's thigh to get him to sit down, and he wound up getting arrested for disorderly conduct.

That didn't stop the actor from acting a fool. While in the squad car on the way to the police station, "Guess what f----s? I f---ing love this. I f---ing own you guys so hard. I'm rich and I'm a motherf---ing famous actor!
F---ing look me up, bitch."

Then London's night went the same route as his career.

"It smells like s--- in your car and your breath smells like diarrhea," he told an officer. There was a reason for that: London reportedly "leaned to the left and crapped in his pants."

He closed with, "I told you I'm happy as s---."

We're not sure how joyous feces is, but chances are London won't be quite as thrilled when he sobers up. In fact, London's wife, Sofia, told cops he didn't even remember what happened.

London tweeted about the incident, even though he didn't recall any of it, and pretty much denied almost everything.

"Guys, the TMZ report is a total f---ing lie," he wrote. "I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes." Check out the rest below: